She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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