glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
