My hand turned me down
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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