You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
