Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
