I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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