Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
