Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
