Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
