There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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