You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
