just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Ladies don't puke and tell
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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