you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
