i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
