is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
