were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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