I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
