and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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