Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
