put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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