Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
