I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
