sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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