cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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