just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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