We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
