i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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