I think i peed on brittanys purse
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
