Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
