haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Randomize
