Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
