Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
