One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
