Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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