Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
