This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
