omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
