You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
