I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
