At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
