she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Randomize
