How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
