I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
