Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Is Oprah even human
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
