Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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