I look better un-naked...
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
