can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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