Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
