Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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