I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Randomize
