I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
